THE NEXT BEST THING — In Stores July 3rd!
posted by Jen at 10/30/2007 07:18:00 PM
Warning: Explicit, Icky Pregnancy-Related Post Ahead. Seriously, if you’re not into explicit, icky pregnancy-related stuff, feel free to skip directly to Miss Alli’s brilliant recap of the Best Nine“Amazing Race” Episodes Ever, which is the funniest thing I’ve read online in a while. (Four words: "My ox is broken!") Or, in honor of the holiday, go pick up Joe Hill’s Twentieth Century Ghosts , which is the flat-out creepiest thing I’ve read in a while. I am still haunted by the cardboard-box maze in “Voluntary Committal” (and I’m not the only one…read raves here and here ). I will even give you a nice long page break so you don’t have to accidentally encounter any pregnancy-related ickiness, because believe me, it’s the last thing I want to inflict on you, my readers. Okay? We’re all good? Good. Yesterday we went to the doctor’s for the 34-week let’s-see-what-we-got ultrasound. The doctor pressed the sensor against my belly and peered at the screen. “Ouch,” he said. “Wow. That can’t feel good.” Long story short: the baby is breech. Transverse breech, to be specific, which means it's sort of lying sideways, with the head snug up underneath my diaphragm and stomach (which explains why I can’t eat more than three bites of anything without suffering the instantaneous pangs of the Heartburn of Doom, and why I took my last deep breath in August). Meanwhile, the baby’s feet are doing hourly performances of Riverdance atop my nether regions. I wasn’t too surprised. Having been through this before, I know that pregnancy equals discomfort…but I also knew that lately I’ve been uncomfortable in a completely different way than I was uncomfortable with Baby the First. That time, it was nagging aches and pains. This time, it’s more like searing, stabbing, oh-God-make-it-stop pain. My doctor left us with some parting advice: do NOT go on the Internet. “You Google ‘breech baby’ and you’re going to get all kinds of craziness,” he said sternly. So of course, I go home and Google ‘breech baby’ and get all kinds of craziness, plus many helpful DIY techniques for how you can get a breech baby to flip him or herself head down. Turns out, if I were so inclined, I could spend fifteen minutes of every two waking hours squatting on my bed, knees to chest, with a flashlight pressed against my lower belly, saying encouraging things to the baby such as “Come to the light! Come into the light! But not like in Poltergeist!” Good times. Or I could go swimming, which is supposed to help, and sounds a lot more viable, and less time-consuming, than the flashlight trick. In book news, GOOD IN BED made the Associated Press’s roundup of best book endings. The book’s described as “chick lit with a heart and some brains.” And you know what I always say: some brains are better than none brains. Happy Halloween, everyone, and don’t forget that Princeton reading next Wednesday at 4:30. Bring flashlights!
Labels: breech baby
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Welcome to A Moment of Jen , author Jennifer Weiner's constantly-updated take on books, baby, and news of the world. Email me at jen (a) jenniferweiner.com.JenniferWeiner.com Facebook Follow me on Twitter
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